I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
dude. I can hear the air.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
