We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
