Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
