using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize