If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
