State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
