Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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