thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The adults are the big ones right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
