you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
