Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
