I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
