Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
