He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
