and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
