Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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