Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
