everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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