oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
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they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
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You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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