i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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