oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
