im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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