dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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