Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
