Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just googled if crying burns calories
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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