My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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