I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
