i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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