god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
