meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
