the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
