I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
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Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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