The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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