My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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