I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
