i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
