I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize