are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
