Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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