Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
