That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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