OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
