You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize