Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
