Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This is my gift to your gina
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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