hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
