can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
