upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
