you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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