Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
