god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
