he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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