I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
