I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
