Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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