What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
