so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the raccoons are back...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
