college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
