I hate all girls vehemently.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
